Great Literature

I was just at my sister's blog and reread some stories we wrote together with our other sisters last summer. The rules were you write one sentence, fold the paper over so only your sentence is showing, and pass to the next person. The story ends when you get to the bottom of the page. I will repost the stories here, so you can see what great works of literature the world will get to see if I ever actually get published.

On Lydia's blog, she bolded the lines she wrote. I will follow her example and bold my lines.


One day, a little girl found a unicorn in her tree house. She was very excited, for she had always dreamed of meeting one of those magical creatures. Unfortunately, it was not as magical as she had dreamed the meeting would be. She had always imagined unicorns and rainbows when she met him, but was very disappointed when the unicorns were unaccompanied by rainbows. :[ But when the unicorn offered her a ride she got over the absence of rainbows.

"Yea!" she cried, for she had never imagined she would get to ride one! Unfortunately she fell off and fell into a coma. Sobbing, he brought her comatose body to Bart the out of body guy and asked him to communicate with her. Bart went out of body to communicate with her and discovered that she sometimes talked to Jill, or whatever the coma girl Neal's girlfriend's name was. He realized that he could ask her what the coma-girl's name was.
Surprised to be asked such a question, the nurse grabbed the wrong file and incorrectly informed him that her name was John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. "AAAAAAAAAA" screamed John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, and she wept and wailed and gnashed her teeth.
Bart was out-of-bodying and happened to think of her, turned up, then turned visible and asked her what was going on, how could he help her, and would she like some fries with that?

"Why, of course," she said happily, "but make sure to include fry sauce!" Being from California, he did not know what fry sauce was and gave her a confused look, but she thought it was a dirty look.

"I hate you Bart, you give me dirty looks! And you hate fry sauce!" screamed John Jacob Jingleheimer Schimdt and she threw a bedpan at him.
"Well, at least I don't give you dirty bedpans," Bart said, and left without helping him, irritated at the lack of gratitude and respect.

The person Bart was talking to went out and talked to him, saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't know you would get so mad."

Notes: There were a couple interesting coincidences here. At least, we found them interesting. First, Jeanette had no idea that the story was about a unicorn, but brought one in anyway. And Lydia had no idea that we were talking about Bart (a character from a book we have at home) when she mentioned him being from California- but that really is where Bart is from.

Rudy, a one-eyed-one-horned-flying-purple-people-eater, decided to go grocery shopping one raining Tuesday evening. Sadly, it was quite the ordeal to get ready because one-eyed-one-horned-flying-purple-people-eaters are allergic to water; it makes them melt. In order to prevent his melting, they built a pavilion with walkways stretching everywhere he might need to walk, and instructed him to keep an umbrella with him at all times. However, he had somehow forgotten what an umbrella was. To save face, he pretended to know what it was, which only led to embarrassment. His face flushed a dark shade of violet, and he ran away sobbing, wishing he knew what it was. A girl purple people eater saw him, admired the deep shade of violet he now had, and tried to cheer him up by asking him on a date.

"Well," he said slowly, "I do like to be with people so I will go on a date."
"Alas, I am a one-eyed-one-horned-flying-purple-people-eater and am prone to get hungry and eat you since my grocery shopping has been interrupted- by you," he continued.

So Rudy took a chomp out of their leg, but didn't realize there was an eating people alarm that dumped a bucket of water on him! He started to melt into a pool of liquid sugar, like honey or maple syrup. But actually it was like the treacle in Hagrid's treacle tart. They spit it out, and starving nearly to delirium, Rudy lunged at her. She ran away and threw her shoe at him because it was purple and she though it matched his skin tone. It didn't match, so he threw it back in her general direction and went to the shoe store to find some that would. He found the perfect shoes, then decided to get perfect socks, too. Unfortunately, his idea of perfect was disastrously different than hers. So it wasn't perfect and she ate him.

Notes: It is a slight miracle that this story ended up sticking with the character of Rudy the purple-people-eater the whole time. There were times when somebody wrote not knowing who they were talking about, and then in the next sentence someone either picked up on an unintentional cue that it was a purple-people-eater or else randomly threw him in there.

Once upon a time there was a couple having an intimate moment. They enjoyed the moment so much that they decided to get married. Soon they went home and the female went to the mall to buy a dress. The dress she bought was bright pink with orange polka-spots; she thought it was ravishing, but in reality it was horrendous. He was planning on wearing his daddy's tuxedo which was a little big, with the cuffs hanging around his ankles, with a ravishing/horrendous tie to match her dress. Unfortunately, he had donated that tux to DI last year. He sighed and went to the mall, where he saw the girl. Suddenly, he realized he was madly in love with her. Excitedly, he blurted it out, thus starting the intimate moment. The woman was displeased with his interruption.

"Well," he said, "I needed to get a new set of clothing."

"If you needed a new set of clothing," she retorted huffily, "you could have at least gotten something that matched my new, ravishing pink with orange polka-spots dress!"

Angrily he huffed back, "I did! See this ravishing slash horrendous tie??"
"It is not at all horrendous, and I don't believe you," she said, crossing her arms and jutting out her chin.

He stammered, attempting to explain, when a thief ran into the store. He suddenly realized that he was now madly in love with the robber and hated the girl with all his being. Thus, the intimate moment was over and he declared his newfound passion to the thief.

So the man and the thief got engaged and the woman went off to build a lucrative career. And the thief said, "I am very happy I met you, mister, because I thought I would be forever single."

Then he realized that his previous feelings were just indigestion, told her she would be forever single, turned her in to the police, found the girl, kissed her, apologized, and they eloped and lived happily ever after.

Notes: Jeanette thought we went into an extended flashback and I misread the sentence preceding my third sentence as saying the moment was startled, not started. Also, notice that the thief never actually steals anything or even attempts to steal anything. We just magically know that she is a thief.

Also, don't worry, when I really write a book I will make it a point to know what happened two sentences previously.