Writer's Block

I recently realized that I've stopped thinking in stories.

It used to be that if I had time to think, I was probably plotting out a story, developing characters, or building a world. I've been doing this for about as long as I can remember thought patterns. And some of these characters I knew as well as my real life friends.

But sometime in the past year or two, I stopped. I still remember the old plots, worlds, and characters, but there are no new ones, and nothing has been added to the old lately.

I don't know exactly when it happened. I think I might be able to undo it if I start setting aside some regular time for writing. Maybe I'd have to start with prompts from elsewhere. But I think I can regain at least some of my prior inspiration. And I probably will try sometime.

But I have to ask myself, if it took me so long to realize it was gone, then how much do I really need it back?

I Know My Father Lives

Music

I know my Father lives and loves me too.
The Spirit whispers this to me and tells me it is true,
And tells me it is true.

He sent me here to earth, by faith to live his plan.
The Spirit whispers this to me and tells me that I can,
And tells me that I can.

Reid N. Nibley

A couple years ago in Relief Society, the instructor had us go around the room and each choose a hymn that expressed our testimony. And I chose this one because it is the base of what I know. As I've mentioned before, I have wondered about a lot of things. But when I hit bottom, what keeps me going is knowing that He lives and loves me. And that I can always turn to Him, through scripture, prayer, fasting, and priesthood blessings, and he will reaffirm that He is, that I am loved, and that things will work out.

So, How's Life?

I don't like to lie.

When someone asks me how I'm doing, and I feel any degree of closeness to them, I generally try to give them a fairly honest answer. The problem with that is, if I'm not doing so well at the moment, they start asking about why.

And a lot of the time, I don't really want to tell them. If I say I'm doing really badly, it's not so bad. And if I don't want to talk about it I can just say so and be glad they cared enough to ask.

But sometimes they start asking about what's wrong when I give a fairly neutral answer. And over the past year or so, that has really bothered me. Sure, they are trying to be caring and all that. But what I get from that is the sense that life should be all sunshine and happiness. And that is not what life is at all. And while my mood and my view of life is largely up to me, sometimes tough stuff gets me down.

Most of the time when I get asked about why I say life is only okay instead of great, I will give one of two answers. Sometimes I say something about how life can't always be good. And sometimes I say that I'm saving the greats for really extraordinarily happy times, so I can have something left to express how well everything is going.

But there is one girl who has a way of somehow getting me to talk about the stuff that has me down. And I don't really like to talk to her. Because it seems like whenever I do, she manages to get me talking about, and thus thinking about, everything that is going wrong in my life. She even got me doing that at a party once, which really got me out of the party mood. And I know she's just trying to show she cares. But I think the best way for her to show she cares may just be to not talk about my life at all.

Teach Me To Walk In The Light

Music

Teach me to walk in the light of his love;
Teach me to pray to my Father above;
Teach me to know of the things that are right;
Teach me, teach me to walk in the light.

Come, little child, and together we'll learn
Of his commandments, that we may return
Home to his presence, to live in his sight--
Always, always to walk in the light.

Father in Heaven, we thank thee this day
For loving guidance to show us the way.
Grateful, we praise thee with songs of delight!
Gladly, gladly we'll walk in the light.

Clara W. McMaster

This was my first favorite hymn, and whenever I heard it, I felt as though it was played specially for me and my family. I think I felt that the message of this hymn applied very well to me as a child. It seemed to express exactly what I felt was my main duty at that point in my life- to learn what I needed to know and do to return home. And it has a very cheerful, optimistic, feel to it. As if the singing of it brought some of that light into my life.

Music

One of my friends used to occasionally, as he said, judge me by my music. He'd look through my cds or my Pandora stations, then when I finally downloaded iTunes and imported my music there, he checked out my playlists and looked to see what my favorite song was, based on what was most played. When he did this most recently, there was a clear winner. But the thing is, my play counts had all been reset within the past couple of months. And during the time since, my listening habits had changed slightly. I was going through a really hard time in one particular area of my life and listening to music that I felt related to my problems and feelings. So what had become my favorite song then, although I had always liked it, was not my all-time favorite song.

At the end of the morning session of conference today I mentioned really liking a song the Tabernacle Choir was singing, and Mitch said that he really liked the hymn Lead Kindly Light because of the message it contains. And I started thinking about how I have had different favorite hymns throughout the years based on what messages resounded most with me at the time.

So I have decided that I will make a series of posts discussing various songs that have influenced me throughout my life. I'll stick to hymns and primary songs to begin with, but might branch out a little at some point.