Rocks and Mountains

One quote from Pride and Prejudice that I have heard many times is "What are men to rocks and mountains?"

Thing is, sometimes to really appreciate those rocks and mountains, you need someone to share it with. And sometimes the proper person is a man.

Pilate

As a child, I always thought that people were a little too hard on Pontius Pilate. After all, he tried to get the people to let him go. And when they insisted, he washed his hands of the whole thing. Then when I was a little older, I learned about his earlier troubles with the Jews and the precariousness of his position as governor, and I sympathized more with him.

Of course, I did also understand that his washing his hands didn't really change his responsibility. And I knew about his wife's dream and warning to him.

But I still don't know that he deserves as much blame as some people give him. He could have done more to let an innocent man go free. But I don't know if he really knew who Christ was- if he'd had a witness of the Spirit. And circumstances did make it difficult for him to really go against what the people wanted. He is one historical figure I am perfectly content to leave unjudged.

If Kim is reading this, I'll bet she has a little more insight in the matter than I do.

My Self

In my last post, I joked that maybe I don't have a sense of self. Well, I've been thinking about that lately, and maybe it's true.

Well, not really. The major example of a person with no sense of self I can think of is Julia Roberts' character in Runaway Bride. She really has no clue of who she is and what she likes. Her personality and interests change completely with each new man in her life.

Well, I do stay somewhat consistent. New people introduce me to new interests. But when I find something I like, I keep liking it. And if I dislike something, I know. And my personality stays about the same, with some variations depending on what life is throwing at me. If something just isn't me, I know it. I just can't tell you why. And when I try to think of what my strengths and weaknesses are, and what type of job I'd be happy in, I come up with nothing. I don't know why I do so many of the things I do. I've thought about that a bit lately, and I remembered that when I took my first psychology classes, I was sort of hoping they could help me understand myself better. But they didn't really.

I wonder if studying Erikson a bit more would help me any. According to him, I should be close to resolving my Identity vs. Role Confusion crisis and starting in on Intimacy vs. Isolation. Which has been a definite source of stress in the past little while...