The Many and The One

I recently read an MSN relationships article about how to be a man magnet. The advice in it was not particularly revelatory, except that I apparently need to perfect the art of sexting. Somehow I don't see that happening anytime soon. I guess I'll have to live without the hordes of men flocking to me.

But what I did find interesting was that one of the man-magnets they interviewed was one who had only been single for a total of three months during her fifteen years of dating. And since this was an article on how to attract a lot of men and not how to build a strong relationship, I would expect that the boyfriends she had during this time numbered more than two. So this woman we are meant to learn from spent, at most, an average of six weeks between 'official' relationships, which in this case would have average out to have lasted not quite five years each. That seems like a pretty short time to properly move on from such a long relationship. Of course, even three five-year relationships doesn't qualify someone as a man-magnet to me, but however many relationships there are, there does not seem to be an appropriately long break between.

Maybe she wasn't really all that invested in her relationships. In that case, it seems like a huge waste of years she could have spent finding someone she really liked or else learning valuable things with her independence.

Or maybe she just bounced around from rebound to rebound. Once again, a waste of time and energy.

And assuming that she did over these fifteen years have relationships that really meant something to her but she was able to properly recover before moving on to the next man... what are the chances that she would be able to find a good man to date so quickly after each recovery period? Yes, there are a lot of good men out there. But a good man who she finds attractive and fun to be around and easy to talk to and interesting, and who sees the same qualities in her, along with that extra spark, enough to form a serious relationship with, is not quite as common. And it is my opinion that if two people do not see in each other everything I mentioned in that last sentence there is really no point in having a committed relationship.

I really don't feel the need to jump around from boyfriend to boyfriend. Sure, hearing that it only takes one isn't particularly comforting to the girl who just wants to be going out and having fun. It also isn't particularly comforting when the lack of dates makes her wonder if she just isn't attractive. But there is a difference between going out with a lot of different boys and being in steady relationships with lots of different boys. The first one involves getting to know them, having fun, and learning what you like. The second involves cutting down on your opportunities to meet someone who you really would like and learn from.

And even if I don't have a multitude of boys coming after me, that's okay. I'm going to just be myself, live my life, and trust that in doing so I will attract one man who will bring me more satisfaction than a long stream of suitors. And I'm going to do that without sexting.