So, How's Life?

I don't like to lie.

When someone asks me how I'm doing, and I feel any degree of closeness to them, I generally try to give them a fairly honest answer. The problem with that is, if I'm not doing so well at the moment, they start asking about why.

And a lot of the time, I don't really want to tell them. If I say I'm doing really badly, it's not so bad. And if I don't want to talk about it I can just say so and be glad they cared enough to ask.

But sometimes they start asking about what's wrong when I give a fairly neutral answer. And over the past year or so, that has really bothered me. Sure, they are trying to be caring and all that. But what I get from that is the sense that life should be all sunshine and happiness. And that is not what life is at all. And while my mood and my view of life is largely up to me, sometimes tough stuff gets me down.

Most of the time when I get asked about why I say life is only okay instead of great, I will give one of two answers. Sometimes I say something about how life can't always be good. And sometimes I say that I'm saving the greats for really extraordinarily happy times, so I can have something left to express how well everything is going.

But there is one girl who has a way of somehow getting me to talk about the stuff that has me down. And I don't really like to talk to her. Because it seems like whenever I do, she manages to get me talking about, and thus thinking about, everything that is going wrong in my life. She even got me doing that at a party once, which really got me out of the party mood. And I know she's just trying to show she cares. But I think the best way for her to show she cares may just be to not talk about my life at all.

Teach Me To Walk In The Light

Music

Teach me to walk in the light of his love;
Teach me to pray to my Father above;
Teach me to know of the things that are right;
Teach me, teach me to walk in the light.

Come, little child, and together we'll learn
Of his commandments, that we may return
Home to his presence, to live in his sight--
Always, always to walk in the light.

Father in Heaven, we thank thee this day
For loving guidance to show us the way.
Grateful, we praise thee with songs of delight!
Gladly, gladly we'll walk in the light.

Clara W. McMaster

This was my first favorite hymn, and whenever I heard it, I felt as though it was played specially for me and my family. I think I felt that the message of this hymn applied very well to me as a child. It seemed to express exactly what I felt was my main duty at that point in my life- to learn what I needed to know and do to return home. And it has a very cheerful, optimistic, feel to it. As if the singing of it brought some of that light into my life.

Music

One of my friends used to occasionally, as he said, judge me by my music. He'd look through my cds or my Pandora stations, then when I finally downloaded iTunes and imported my music there, he checked out my playlists and looked to see what my favorite song was, based on what was most played. When he did this most recently, there was a clear winner. But the thing is, my play counts had all been reset within the past couple of months. And during the time since, my listening habits had changed slightly. I was going through a really hard time in one particular area of my life and listening to music that I felt related to my problems and feelings. So what had become my favorite song then, although I had always liked it, was not my all-time favorite song.

At the end of the morning session of conference today I mentioned really liking a song the Tabernacle Choir was singing, and Mitch said that he really liked the hymn Lead Kindly Light because of the message it contains. And I started thinking about how I have had different favorite hymns throughout the years based on what messages resounded most with me at the time.

So I have decided that I will make a series of posts discussing various songs that have influenced me throughout my life. I'll stick to hymns and primary songs to begin with, but might branch out a little at some point.

Blessed?

Tonight, BYU played Kentucky State in the second round of March Madness. Which was especially exciting since it has been 17 years since we advanced past the first round. It was also the Saturday night session of stake conference. I was not particularly happy about the conflict.

A couple years ago, Dad went to a Saturday night session that was at the same time as an RSL game (away). Real won. Dad said it was a blessing for his having gone to conference.

I went to church tonight. BYU lost 84-72.

It's a shame. In my bracket, I had BYU advancing one more level before losing.

Gratitude

In the fourth book of The Work and the Glory, a newly married couple are living in a sod hut that leaks mud when it rains. The wife suggests that they have a contest to see who can come up with more to be grateful for. They have fun with it, mentioning things like the fact that grass only grows up so they don't have to cut the grass on the ceiling. And at the end, they are both in a much better mood.

I think this is something everybody should probably do more often- look for the good and find the humor in the bad.

Not Room Enough

Today at work, I was transcribing a letter that Rachel wrote to her parents when she was 21. She was talking about how she'd had a good life and great opportunities, and then said that she noticed that the Lord did a lot more for her than she did for him, and she should try to even things out a little.

When I read that, I laughed out loud.

Sometime between thirteen and fifteen years ago, Mom gave a lesson in family night where she gave all of us something- 10 pennies, maybe- to represent blessings from the Lord. Then we were to give some back. But as soon as we gave something back, she would give us more. Much more than we tried to repay. So we would hand more back, only to receive an even greater amount of blessings.

And that's the way it really is. You can't try to pay the Lord back. You will just keep getting farther and farther in debt.

Cheer?

My roommate Tasha often puts inspirational quotes as her facebook status. Today, she had, "I find comfort in the reality that we are sent to mourn with those that mourn. We are not sent to cheer them up." -Melissa Y

And that got me to thinking. When I'm down, a lot of the time the best thing to cheer me up is a distraction completely unrelated to whatever is bothering me. And sometimes that can be a good thing. But eventually, I need to face my problems- either to come to terms with it or to find a solution or just go to work, doing whatever I've known all along needs to be done but haven't wanted to. And that generally is not exactly cheering. But it is what has to be done.