Obligatory Modesty Post

Last night, I came across a post on an LDS group blog about modesty. Specifically, about modesty in women's and girls' clothing.

I actually seem to come across those on a fairly regular basis, and this one fit the typical mold. The post itself talks about why we should be modest, what modesty really is, or how modesty should be taught. All three of these are addressed in the comments. Then someone mentions that men are very visual and women should dress modestly to help the men control their thoughts, at which point at least half a dozen people comment interpreting the previous comment as saying that men have no control over their thoughts at all and women are entirely responsible for keeping the men from ever seeing anything that could lead to an impure thought. Which is of course impossible, especially if we want to dress in such a way as to allow ourselves to move and function in society.

I've never understood how or why people make the leap from "it would be nice to help the boys out" to "girls are completely responsible for everything and boys have no power whatsoever," but I guess sometimes people have trouble with nuance. And people can get really stupid online, where every sports article leads to 100 comments about how terrible the fans of the other side are (both sides being represented), and when somebody ventures to say that there are good and bad fans on each side, everybody involved on either side insults the newcomer. If a brand-new TV show has any common threads between the first two episodes, its message boards have multiple comments about how it's stuck in a rut. And if a political article ran titled Candidate Explains His Plan For the Fifth Time, with said plan outlined in great detail in the article, at least one person in the comments section will talk about how the candidate does not have a plan. That last one might be an exaggeration, but not by much.

Anyway. The people who jump down the throat of whoever mentioned helping the boys keep their thoughts pure tend to say that modesty should be about respecting yourself. And they have a point. Modesty really is largely about respect. For yourself, yes. But also for the situation. If you go to a symphony wearing footed pajamas, for example, you are not being modest, even though you are probably more covered than anybody else there and your clothing less clingy than most. Because you are not dressed appropriately for the situation and are not respecting the people putting on the symphony. And it is also about showing respect for the boys who are trying to keep their thoughts clean but might be struggling.

But even if you think modesty is completely about respecting yourself, I think the effects of your dress on others still matters. When I respect myself, I want others to respect me. And I do not think that whatever thoughts clingy and scanty clothes will bring into the minds of at least some men are particularly respectful. So I believe that in order to properly respect myself, I should consider how what I am wearing or exposing is likely to affect a normal, respectful guy.