A Perfect Match

In choosing a spouse, people are often given two pieces of advice. Okay, they are given more than two pieces of advice, but there are two that are relevant to the intended subject of this post. These are:

1. Don't settle

2. Don't be so picky


On the face of it, these seem to be contradictory. After all, to be to picky means that you will not accept somebody who does not fit all of your requirements, even if he does fulfill most of them (I used the masculine because I would be looking for a male spouse). But if you are not picky, and do accept somebody who misses your criteria, then you are settling. But I think the intentions and meanings behind these pieces of advice are compatible. To illustrate, I will share a story.

One day at a family gathering of some sort, I was in the kitchen with my aunt, talking about my life and goals. During this conversation, she asked what I was looking for in a man. I joked that I needed someone who was at least 6 feet tall, was rich, and drove a nice car. A little later I gave my serious answer. I am looking for a man who can make me laugh and will laugh at my jokes, who likes children, is a worthy priesthood holder with a current temple recommend, and has realistic goals that he is currently working to achieve. By that I mean he wants to be a lawyer and is in law school or a pre-law program, or he wants to be an advertising executive and is interning at an ad agency, or some such thing.

My first set of criteria- tall, rich, with a nice car- is an example of pickiness. If you are picky, you have a list of external standards to judge by. Other examples of pickiness would be if I demanded a good singing voice or that he like musicals. Those would be nice attributes, but I can get along without them. But if I go for someone who does not fit the internal qualities on the second list, I would be settling.

That said, there are times when standards for internal qualities can be picky. That comes when you start expecting immediate internal perfection. Asking for somebody to be perfectly patient, forgiving, and generous is too much. When it comes to these internal qualities, general leanings are usually enough to start with, so long as you see them developing that way instead of losing the qualities you value. And, of course, there is one external quality that is a must for me- my man has to be a BYU fan. To accept anything less would be settling.