Forgettable

I recently moved away from where I'd been living for about two years. When I left, several people made the appropriate noises about how they were sorry to see me go, and I believed them. I said I'd be back to visit occasionally, possible even within the week.

As it turns out, I didn't make it back that quickly. And I didn't make it back the next week, either. I did want to see my friends, but the logistics were a little bit complicated. And as the time went by, my motivation decreased, because nobody said anything about it. So I thought probably nobody really cared.

Something similar happened last fall. I had several friends who I was in the habit of visiting on a daily basis - with their encouragement. Then one day I didn't want to see anyone. So I stayed home. Which would have been fine, but that mood continued on for a week. And during that time, nobody said or did anything. No phone calls, no texts, no facebook messages, no knocks on the door from anybody. When I told myself I needed to get out and see people again, they mentioned having noticed I wasn't around. But I couldn't help but wonder how it was that someone can go from visiting daily, usually for pretty significant chunks of time, to nothing for an entire week, and nobody thought to check if something was wrong. After this, I made it a point to at least drop by somebody's place at least a couple times a week, but not nearly as much as I'd used to. And the decrease was noticed and commented on, and I was told I should come by more. But only when I came by. When I wasn't there, there was no contact.

Now I get on facebook and see various people posting comments and links on other friends' walls, while I get none of that. I used to think that I'd get more social notice if I gave more. But then I started trying. I wrote letters and got no response. I called people, and they never reciprocated. And if I come across something that reminds me of a specific person, I tell them about it or post it to their wall. About half the time, I get a response to what I say. The other half of the time, I get silence. No indication if they liked, hated, or even saw what I said.

But what really bothers me is that I often feel I'm the only person initiating contact. The only times I remember getting anything posted on my wall from someone not in my immediate family and not in response to something I said were on my birthday, inspired I'm sure by the birthday notifications on the side of the screen. Nobody has texted me spontaneously since the day I moved. And I can't even remember the last time a friend called me.

Yes, I do appreciate the welcome I get when I make an effort. But is it too much to ask to be remembered by someone when I'm not standing right in front of their face?