Labels

I decided to label my posts in case somebody wants to follow my thoughts on some particular topic or something like that. Yeah, my reasons aren't exactly well-defined at the moment. But, anyway, if you see some sort of topic or theme that I haven't labeled and you think I should, or something isn't given a label you think it needs or is labeled in a way that doesn't fit or you think of a cooler name for one of my labels, feel free to tell me.

A Sad Non-Cycle

I feel like I've been posting a lot of stuff about me, which is not necessarily what I want this blog to be about. I want to examine various subjects, not spend all my time focusing on me. But this is the first thing that I've had any desire to write about for a while.

I've noticed that I draw a lot of my energy and excitement from the people I am with. I am a people person. Yes, I am shy, but I am a people person all the same. I need a lot of human contact. And I have apparently been this way for my whole life- I seem to remember hearing that as soon as I was mobile, I would go to where the people were. And if you put me in a group of people, I rarely get very tired before everybody else has left.

That's all well and good. But I seem to need to feed off of other people's excitement to express any myself. If I walk into a room super excited about something and start to talk about it, I sometimes sound slightly bored about it, even though I'm not. It isn't until someone shows some interest that I really get into the telling of it. And if I try to put some excitement into my voice, it is forced and it sounds that way.

This can be a problem, considering that other people tend to like to listen better and get more involved when the speaker is excited. And since I start off sounding bored, I can't always get someone else to feed my energy so I can show my excitement. So we are both disappointed in the conversation. Which is a rather sad non-cycle to get into.

Rocks and Mountains

One quote from Pride and Prejudice that I have heard many times is "What are men to rocks and mountains?"

Thing is, sometimes to really appreciate those rocks and mountains, you need someone to share it with. And sometimes the proper person is a man.

Pilate

As a child, I always thought that people were a little too hard on Pontius Pilate. After all, he tried to get the people to let him go. And when they insisted, he washed his hands of the whole thing. Then when I was a little older, I learned about his earlier troubles with the Jews and the precariousness of his position as governor, and I sympathized more with him.

Of course, I did also understand that his washing his hands didn't really change his responsibility. And I knew about his wife's dream and warning to him.

But I still don't know that he deserves as much blame as some people give him. He could have done more to let an innocent man go free. But I don't know if he really knew who Christ was- if he'd had a witness of the Spirit. And circumstances did make it difficult for him to really go against what the people wanted. He is one historical figure I am perfectly content to leave unjudged.

If Kim is reading this, I'll bet she has a little more insight in the matter than I do.

My Self

In my last post, I joked that maybe I don't have a sense of self. Well, I've been thinking about that lately, and maybe it's true.

Well, not really. The major example of a person with no sense of self I can think of is Julia Roberts' character in Runaway Bride. She really has no clue of who she is and what she likes. Her personality and interests change completely with each new man in her life.

Well, I do stay somewhat consistent. New people introduce me to new interests. But when I find something I like, I keep liking it. And if I dislike something, I know. And my personality stays about the same, with some variations depending on what life is throwing at me. If something just isn't me, I know it. I just can't tell you why. And when I try to think of what my strengths and weaknesses are, and what type of job I'd be happy in, I come up with nothing. I don't know why I do so many of the things I do. I've thought about that a bit lately, and I remembered that when I took my first psychology classes, I was sort of hoping they could help me understand myself better. But they didn't really.

I wonder if studying Erikson a bit more would help me any. According to him, I should be close to resolving my Identity vs. Role Confusion crisis and starting in on Intimacy vs. Isolation. Which has been a definite source of stress in the past little while...

Loosely Linked Thoughts on Names and Identity

If you want to know absolutely nothing about what happens to Anne Shirley of Anne of Green Gables before reading it in the novels and have not made it though the third volume then do not read this post.

If She Would Have Been Faithful

I listened to the lyrics of Chicago's song If She Would Have Been Faithful for the first time today, and I have a couple of issues with it. The part that causes problems for me is "If she would have been faithful... I would never know real love. I would have missed out on you."

I have heard many times Spencer W. Kimball's statement that "Soul mates are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price." Also, you hear a lot about the success of arranged marriages when proper care is taken and effort put in and how they grow to love each other. Well, if this singer/songwriter/whoever I'm talking about truly thought he was in love, I think he had a good start. And I've heard from a lot of different sources that their love has grown immeasurably during the years/decades they have been married. And with these two having already chosen to be together, they probably have a decent start of regard for each other and with enough time and effort and work, they should be able to grow to real love someday.

Also, he is making assumptions here. I am going in a contradictory direction from some of what I said in the last paragraph now. But if she was cheating on him, there were probably already serious problems with the relationship and even if she had not cheated, the relationship likely would have ended anyway. So who's to say he wouldn't have found the new girl later? You can never say what would have happened if things had gone differently.