Last week was stake conference.
A lot of people don't go to stake conference. I've known that for a while, but this year our stake president really pointed it out to us. The week before he visited our sacrament meeting to urge everybody to go, citing some sort of statistic about how many usually go compared to the number attending sacrament meeting on an average Sunday. Then during the general session of conference, he talked about how he would like to have the perfect stake; how cool it would be to have buses show up to take us all to establish Zion or something like that, with our temple recommends as our tickets. But only 1 out of every 3 adults in the stake has a current temple recommend, and 4 out of every 5 stake members weren't at conference. That is, 33% of adults have a recommend, for which they must attend their meetings to be worthy. And some members who don't have the recommend still attend regularly. But only 20% attend the Sunday morning session of stake conference.
We are told that partaking of the sacrament is the most important thing we do on Sunday. And maybe that's part of why some people think skipping conference isn't such a big deal; they aren't administering the sacrament, so we're already missing the most important thing anyway. But the way I see it, if we are regularly required to skip the sacrament, there must be a good reason for it.
So if something is so important that it's worth skipping the sacred ordinance of the sacrament, isn't it important enough that we should make it a point to be there?
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Half Herself
Lots of people love Anne Shirley from the Anne novels by L. M. Montgomery. Some love the books, some the movies. I'm a book person myself, which should come as no surprise to people who know me well. But I love Emily Starr and the Emily books more.
One thing that comes up in them every so often bothers me - Emily is often referred to, by herself and by others, as being half Murray - the Murrays being her mother's family. I don't see it that way. Emily has as much Murray blood, as much Murray DNA, as she does Starr blood and Starr DNA. She had more Murray socialization than Starr socialization, her father's relatives being absent from her life; about as much of her upbringing was as a Murray as was Starr. She is not half Murray - she is Murray in all but name.
My Holley and Leavitt cousins are not half Howes; they are Howeses. I do not see myself as being half Wagstaff. I am a full member of Wagstaff clan. The only reasons I don't go by both names are tradition and to keep my name from becoming too unwieldy- Marissa Howes Henderson Wagstaff Willie or Marissa Willie Wagstaff Howes Henderson is way too long for forms and databases, and each generation you go back would double the number of attached surnames. You need to cut off somewhere and the closer to me the cutoff comes the better, so far as length is concerned. But each of the families represented in those names, even if those names are not part of my name, are equally part of my identity.
One thing that comes up in them every so often bothers me - Emily is often referred to, by herself and by others, as being half Murray - the Murrays being her mother's family. I don't see it that way. Emily has as much Murray blood, as much Murray DNA, as she does Starr blood and Starr DNA. She had more Murray socialization than Starr socialization, her father's relatives being absent from her life; about as much of her upbringing was as a Murray as was Starr. She is not half Murray - she is Murray in all but name.
My Holley and Leavitt cousins are not half Howes; they are Howeses. I do not see myself as being half Wagstaff. I am a full member of Wagstaff clan. The only reasons I don't go by both names are tradition and to keep my name from becoming too unwieldy- Marissa Howes Henderson Wagstaff Willie or Marissa Willie Wagstaff Howes Henderson is way too long for forms and databases, and each generation you go back would double the number of attached surnames. You need to cut off somewhere and the closer to me the cutoff comes the better, so far as length is concerned. But each of the families represented in those names, even if those names are not part of my name, are equally part of my identity.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
To High School Seniors
This past Thursday I saw an ad that stuck with me. I don't know what product it was trying to sell - I only saw it for a couple seconds. But what I did see of the ad went something like, "Make your senior year last forever with this deal that won't." And my automatic thought to that?
Please don't.
If you've managed to progress all the way to the twelfth grade, hopefully you have realized that it would be impossible to make the year last forever. But more important to my thought process is that as much as I enjoyed high school (and I did) I would hate to be back there. Because there is so much more to experience.
So, high school seniors, enjoy your year. Participate in your clubs and go to your dances and all that stuff. Then, after you graduate, move out and move on. Live with roommates. Stay at your friend's place talking until it gets so late that you're too tired to walk back downstairs to your own apartment so you just sleep on her couch, knowing that your roommates won't be too concerned if you show up sometime the next day. Eat cookies for breakfast because that's all you have in your dorm room and there isn't time to stop by the dining hall if you want to get to your scheduled final on time. Or eat cookies and crackers for breakfast in bed just because that's what looks good and bed is comfortable (this course of action is best performed if you intend to be changing your sheets soon, but if you don't... hey, live and learn).
Sure, at first you may miss having Mom do your laundry and cook your meals. But eventually, you just may discover that the freedom that comes from being the one to decide what gets washed when more than makes up for the extra burden of the chore. And that ready-made meals aren't too much to sacrifice in order to be the one who decides what to eat and when to eat it - even more when you make the lasagna and green beans than when you munch on a bag of potato chips and a brownie and call that dinner.
Seriously. It happens. And it feels good.
Please don't.
If you've managed to progress all the way to the twelfth grade, hopefully you have realized that it would be impossible to make the year last forever. But more important to my thought process is that as much as I enjoyed high school (and I did) I would hate to be back there. Because there is so much more to experience.
So, high school seniors, enjoy your year. Participate in your clubs and go to your dances and all that stuff. Then, after you graduate, move out and move on. Live with roommates. Stay at your friend's place talking until it gets so late that you're too tired to walk back downstairs to your own apartment so you just sleep on her couch, knowing that your roommates won't be too concerned if you show up sometime the next day. Eat cookies for breakfast because that's all you have in your dorm room and there isn't time to stop by the dining hall if you want to get to your scheduled final on time. Or eat cookies and crackers for breakfast in bed just because that's what looks good and bed is comfortable (this course of action is best performed if you intend to be changing your sheets soon, but if you don't... hey, live and learn).
Sure, at first you may miss having Mom do your laundry and cook your meals. But eventually, you just may discover that the freedom that comes from being the one to decide what gets washed when more than makes up for the extra burden of the chore. And that ready-made meals aren't too much to sacrifice in order to be the one who decides what to eat and when to eat it - even more when you make the lasagna and green beans than when you munch on a bag of potato chips and a brownie and call that dinner.
Seriously. It happens. And it feels good.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Don't Say It
I have heard many times that the thing that originally attracts you to someone is eventually going to be the thing that most annoys you.
I haven't seen any research addressing this. It probably is true in some cases, but not all. I'd guess it depends on why whatever it is attracts you and how the rest of the relationship proceeds. Whatever the facts of the matter, I don't see any good from telling it to single people. I can see two rational responses to such information, especially without any qualifiers about how or why it would happen.
1. Avoid marriage and romantic relationships in general
This option is pretty bad for the survival of the species.
2. Marry someone whose personality does not draw you in any way
This seems like a great way to create unfulfilling marriages.
Isn't there enough out there to scare people away from marriage without making us afraid that the very fact that we like someone is a sign that we're going to end up driving each other crazy in a bad way?
I haven't seen any research addressing this. It probably is true in some cases, but not all. I'd guess it depends on why whatever it is attracts you and how the rest of the relationship proceeds. Whatever the facts of the matter, I don't see any good from telling it to single people. I can see two rational responses to such information, especially without any qualifiers about how or why it would happen.
1. Avoid marriage and romantic relationships in general
This option is pretty bad for the survival of the species.
2. Marry someone whose personality does not draw you in any way
This seems like a great way to create unfulfilling marriages.
Isn't there enough out there to scare people away from marriage without making us afraid that the very fact that we like someone is a sign that we're going to end up driving each other crazy in a bad way?
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Be a Man
A few years ago, some of my male friends joined a facebook event for a be a man day in an effort to combat the media's portrayals of manhood - machismo or uselessness. Basically, this be a man day was a call for guys to be good, decent, hardworking people and for everybody to realize that is what being a man is about.
Last week I read from 2 Nephi 1 in my seminary scriptures. Verses 21 through 27 have markings placed as per my teacher's instructions - in the margin, Lehi's 10 traits of becoming a man, then the numerals 1 through 10 in the places he mentions said traits. The list
1. Be men (not sure why that's one of the items)
2. Be determined in one mind and one heart, united in all things
3. Awake
4. Come forth out of obscurity
5. Rebel no more
6. Keep the commandments
7. Be an instrument in the hands of God
8. Seek not for power or authority
9. Have the power of the word of God
10. Have the Spirit of the Lord in you
As a side note, I believe this was the same lesson where we split up into boys and girls and made lists - the girls made a list of the top 10 things we wanted in a man and the boys listed 10 things they thought the girls would want in a man. The lists actually matched up pretty well - the order was a bit off, but most of the items were represented on both lists. We girls cheated a bit, though - we couldn't completely agree on what belonged on the list so ended up with a tie in one spot, giving us 11 items. I don't remember many specific items on either list, although I could probably make a fairly good guess at what went on them. What I do remember is that one of the tie items on the girls' list was a Y chromosome. The boys listed testosterone. Those were the only physical attributes. Both lists focused mainly on character.
Last week I read from 2 Nephi 1 in my seminary scriptures. Verses 21 through 27 have markings placed as per my teacher's instructions - in the margin, Lehi's 10 traits of becoming a man, then the numerals 1 through 10 in the places he mentions said traits. The list
1. Be men (not sure why that's one of the items)
2. Be determined in one mind and one heart, united in all things
3. Awake
4. Come forth out of obscurity
5. Rebel no more
6. Keep the commandments
7. Be an instrument in the hands of God
8. Seek not for power or authority
9. Have the power of the word of God
10. Have the Spirit of the Lord in you
As a side note, I believe this was the same lesson where we split up into boys and girls and made lists - the girls made a list of the top 10 things we wanted in a man and the boys listed 10 things they thought the girls would want in a man. The lists actually matched up pretty well - the order was a bit off, but most of the items were represented on both lists. We girls cheated a bit, though - we couldn't completely agree on what belonged on the list so ended up with a tie in one spot, giving us 11 items. I don't remember many specific items on either list, although I could probably make a fairly good guess at what went on them. What I do remember is that one of the tie items on the girls' list was a Y chromosome. The boys listed testosterone. Those were the only physical attributes. Both lists focused mainly on character.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Political Fundraising
A couple years ago I somehow got added to an Obama supporters email mailing list. My best guess is that it came about when I clicked on something on facebook to say that I was going to vote. I definitely never knowingly gave my email address to any political party or candidate. I never unsubscribed because I've been trying to be at least somewhat informed politically and this was giving me views and information I wasn't getting elsewhere.
Lately, however, it's mostly consisted of pleas to donate or sign cards for Barack or Michelle Obama (birthday, Mother's Day, Father's Day). Which is understandable. The thing that bothers me is that most of the fundraising emails say something indicating that if Obama doesn't win, it's because they didn't earn enough. And, yes, the dollars do matter by a lot. But.
By saying unilaterally that how much they are able to raise now will determine what the headlines will be in November, they are completely discounting the possibility that more Americans like Romney's positions and qualifications than want Obama back. Sure, the campaign emails aren't going to come out and say that people might prefer Romney for his politics or perceived ability to get the job done. But the implication that no informed voter would choose to vote for Romney is incredibly arrogant. And the implication that the average American votes entirely based on who has better campaign materials is a bit insulting.
Edit: Yesterday I got an email that said "And the only way someone like Mitt Romney -- (content removed to reduce risk of issues debate here, there being plenty of other places for that) -- defeats someone like Barack Obama, is if the other side spends us into oblivion." The specific issues I removed happen to be controversial - as in, I hear arguments for both sides. On one issue in particular I was under the impression from some political poll that more than half of the country is against Obama's position. I'm smelling some false-consensus effect. Thinking about it in those terms actually makes it slightly less irritating. Slightly. Limiting themselves to 5 emails a week would also do them a lot of good in my book.
Lately, however, it's mostly consisted of pleas to donate or sign cards for Barack or Michelle Obama (birthday, Mother's Day, Father's Day). Which is understandable. The thing that bothers me is that most of the fundraising emails say something indicating that if Obama doesn't win, it's because they didn't earn enough. And, yes, the dollars do matter by a lot. But.
By saying unilaterally that how much they are able to raise now will determine what the headlines will be in November, they are completely discounting the possibility that more Americans like Romney's positions and qualifications than want Obama back. Sure, the campaign emails aren't going to come out and say that people might prefer Romney for his politics or perceived ability to get the job done. But the implication that no informed voter would choose to vote for Romney is incredibly arrogant. And the implication that the average American votes entirely based on who has better campaign materials is a bit insulting.
Edit: Yesterday I got an email that said "And the only way someone like Mitt Romney -- (content removed to reduce risk of issues debate here, there being plenty of other places for that) -- defeats someone like Barack Obama, is if the other side spends us into oblivion." The specific issues I removed happen to be controversial - as in, I hear arguments for both sides. On one issue in particular I was under the impression from some political poll that more than half of the country is against Obama's position. I'm smelling some false-consensus effect. Thinking about it in those terms actually makes it slightly less irritating. Slightly. Limiting themselves to 5 emails a week would also do them a lot of good in my book.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Marriage Gap Stats
Last night I got to flipping through a packet of readings for one of my college classes and found some of the information in one of them pretty interesting and worth sharing. So, for your information and reading pleasure:
Husbands with high-school dropout wives earned less than single men with comparable work and education histories. The chapter did not mention how much less.
Husbands with wives with just a high-school diploma earned 4.3 times as much as comparable single men.
Husbands with college educated wives earned almost 12 percent more than comparable single men.
The effects were shown whether or not they had children and whether or not the wives were employed, although I don't know whether the amount of the difference changed across those conditions. I also don't know what sort of difference the level of college education makes.
Husbands with high-school dropout wives earned less than single men with comparable work and education histories. The chapter did not mention how much less.
Husbands with wives with just a high-school diploma earned 4.3 times as much as comparable single men.
Husbands with college educated wives earned almost 12 percent more than comparable single men.
The effects were shown whether or not they had children and whether or not the wives were employed, although I don't know whether the amount of the difference changed across those conditions. I also don't know what sort of difference the level of college education makes.
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