Rocks and Mountains

One quote from Pride and Prejudice that I have heard many times is "What are men to rocks and mountains?"

Thing is, sometimes to really appreciate those rocks and mountains, you need someone to share it with. And sometimes the proper person is a man.

Pilate

As a child, I always thought that people were a little too hard on Pontius Pilate. After all, he tried to get the people to let him go. And when they insisted, he washed his hands of the whole thing. Then when I was a little older, I learned about his earlier troubles with the Jews and the precariousness of his position as governor, and I sympathized more with him.

Of course, I did also understand that his washing his hands didn't really change his responsibility. And I knew about his wife's dream and warning to him.

But I still don't know that he deserves as much blame as some people give him. He could have done more to let an innocent man go free. But I don't know if he really knew who Christ was- if he'd had a witness of the Spirit. And circumstances did make it difficult for him to really go against what the people wanted. He is one historical figure I am perfectly content to leave unjudged.

If Kim is reading this, I'll bet she has a little more insight in the matter than I do.

My Self

In my last post, I joked that maybe I don't have a sense of self. Well, I've been thinking about that lately, and maybe it's true.

Well, not really. The major example of a person with no sense of self I can think of is Julia Roberts' character in Runaway Bride. She really has no clue of who she is and what she likes. Her personality and interests change completely with each new man in her life.

Well, I do stay somewhat consistent. New people introduce me to new interests. But when I find something I like, I keep liking it. And if I dislike something, I know. And my personality stays about the same, with some variations depending on what life is throwing at me. If something just isn't me, I know it. I just can't tell you why. And when I try to think of what my strengths and weaknesses are, and what type of job I'd be happy in, I come up with nothing. I don't know why I do so many of the things I do. I've thought about that a bit lately, and I remembered that when I took my first psychology classes, I was sort of hoping they could help me understand myself better. But they didn't really.

I wonder if studying Erikson a bit more would help me any. According to him, I should be close to resolving my Identity vs. Role Confusion crisis and starting in on Intimacy vs. Isolation. Which has been a definite source of stress in the past little while...

Loosely Linked Thoughts on Names and Identity

If you want to know absolutely nothing about what happens to Anne Shirley of Anne of Green Gables before reading it in the novels and have not made it though the third volume then do not read this post.

If She Would Have Been Faithful

I listened to the lyrics of Chicago's song If She Would Have Been Faithful for the first time today, and I have a couple of issues with it. The part that causes problems for me is "If she would have been faithful... I would never know real love. I would have missed out on you."

I have heard many times Spencer W. Kimball's statement that "Soul mates are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price." Also, you hear a lot about the success of arranged marriages when proper care is taken and effort put in and how they grow to love each other. Well, if this singer/songwriter/whoever I'm talking about truly thought he was in love, I think he had a good start. And I've heard from a lot of different sources that their love has grown immeasurably during the years/decades they have been married. And with these two having already chosen to be together, they probably have a decent start of regard for each other and with enough time and effort and work, they should be able to grow to real love someday.

Also, he is making assumptions here. I am going in a contradictory direction from some of what I said in the last paragraph now. But if she was cheating on him, there were probably already serious problems with the relationship and even if she had not cheated, the relationship likely would have ended anyway. So who's to say he wouldn't have found the new girl later? You can never say what would have happened if things had gone differently.

Random Thoughts

A couple things I thought about at the bus stop this afternoon:

1. I remembered hearing in the news a few years ago that Kobe Bryant's wife gave him permission to sleep with another woman once a year. I also read in Jerry Lewis' memoirs that his wife was fine with him sleeping around as long as he didn't embarrass her. As I see it, that sort of thing is degrading to everybody involved. The wife is basically saying that she doesn't deserve or expect a man who respects and values her and is devoted to her. She is also saying that she thinks her husband is not capable of controlling himself. And the other women... well, it's just degrading.

2. I've heard that when a bone heals after you break it, that is the strongest part of the bone. Also, when you are weight training, you tear apart the muscles and then they regrow stronger than before. I also remembered that in Must Love Dogs (Which I do not recommend seeing. It's been a while since I watched it, but I remember getting the impression that the amount of crassness outweighed its value.) John Cusack's character has this theory that a broken heart grows back with a greater ability to love. And then I thought of Ether 12:27- And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

So I wondered, once again, what it is that the last several months have been trying to teach me and whether and how I have grown. I did contribute a lot to my troubles, but it was a very rough time for me and I think something got broken for a while. So I think that qualifies me to grow back stronger. After all, when you tear down your muscles during weight training, it is something you do to yourself.

Bus Route 850

When I take bus 850, I usually miss my stop. I've gotten off in the right place maybe 3 or 4 times. And I've gotten off in the wrong place at least two or three times as often. I don't know why- I've never had this problem on any other routes.

It is a real problem when I'm headed for work. But when I'm going home, it isn't a big deal. I just make sure I know where I am and what direction I'm going when I do get off the bus and it's pretty easy to find my way home. And it's actually helped me in getting to know Provo better. I don't like to wander far from home when I'm by myself. But if I have a purpose, I don't mind it. So my troubles with route 850 have caused me to walk around where I've never been before. And if it keeps up, I should get a decent mental map of that area of town.

But it is a really good thing that I don't live in some other area where the streets have names instead of numbers and aren't laid out in a grid.