To clarify:
When I said I look forward to the day when some man does something sweet for me, I am not at all talking about spending a lot of money for me. I would like flowers, but don't demand them. Chocolates would also be nice, but I don't usually like a lot of candy. And if he spends too much money, I'll get worried about his spending habits and ability to stick to a budget. What I want is evidence that he has been thinking of me.
And about the opening up thing. I've always been sensitive. I feel things. I hurt. I cry. And I did that a lot when I was younger. But at some point in the past, I decided this was a problem, so I started building up walls to protect my heart. Because I don't like to get hurt.
Yeah, I know, that's just crazy. Who doesn't want to be hurt?
Anyway, I tried to make it harder for me to get hurt, and if I did get hurt, hard for people to tell. Which sort of goes along with the letting people in thing- if I don't let them in, it doesn't hurt as much if they do hurt me. And if I don't give myself away, it's harder for someone to know enough of me to hurt me.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Holiday Blahs
For the first time in my life, I am not looking forward to Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day has been my favorite holiday for a few years. I think of it as mostly a friendship appreciation day, and it has always bothered me to hear others refer to it as Singles Awareness Day. After all, we celebrated in elementary school by giving cards and decorating cookies and the like, and it had nothing to do with romance. And through high school, my friends and I exchanged cards and cookies with each other. Same with my family- my mom and sisters and I gave out cards and candy to each other as an expression of our love. Even seeing all the boys getting things for their girlfriends never bothered me. If anything, it made me look forward to the day when some man would be doing something sweet for me.
But this year, I just don't care. It's not really bitterness. I still don't like the Singles Awareness Day thing. Although I won't deny the possibility that a tiny amount of regret or disappointment is lurking in there somewhere. I just am not at all excited. The same thing happened for Christmas last year. I never wanted to go shopping for presents, I didn't care about my own, and I did not at any point feel the Christmas spirit. I guess I'm just having an off year for holidays.
Valentine's Day has been my favorite holiday for a few years. I think of it as mostly a friendship appreciation day, and it has always bothered me to hear others refer to it as Singles Awareness Day. After all, we celebrated in elementary school by giving cards and decorating cookies and the like, and it had nothing to do with romance. And through high school, my friends and I exchanged cards and cookies with each other. Same with my family- my mom and sisters and I gave out cards and candy to each other as an expression of our love. Even seeing all the boys getting things for their girlfriends never bothered me. If anything, it made me look forward to the day when some man would be doing something sweet for me.
But this year, I just don't care. It's not really bitterness. I still don't like the Singles Awareness Day thing. Although I won't deny the possibility that a tiny amount of regret or disappointment is lurking in there somewhere. I just am not at all excited. The same thing happened for Christmas last year. I never wanted to go shopping for presents, I didn't care about my own, and I did not at any point feel the Christmas spirit. I guess I'm just having an off year for holidays.
Introspection
This post has potential spoilers of the itty-bitty kind for A Separate Peace and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Disclaimer
The scripture at the top of my blog is not referring to blogging, journaling, or any such thing. It is actually talking about prayer. I just thought it sounded appropriate out of context.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Approaching Perfection
I am obviously not perfect. After all, I said I would have posted again by yesterday, and I didn't. But I do believe in trying to become perfect. It's sort of part of my religion.
In one family night last year, Dad was talking about how we can progress without getting overwhelmed by that we are supposed to do and become. His suggestion, which I had heard many times before, was to choose one or two trouble areas to focus on at a time.
A couple weeks later, during a Relief Society lesson, we were reading and listing qualities Paul said we should have as Saints. I thought ours looked something like a to-do list, and joked about going through the day, checking things off as we were kind or had minds single to the glory of Christ throughout the day- impossible, as these are supposed to be continual qualities, not events.
But then I thought that it could work in a way.
So a couple times since then, I have made checklists. I pick a couple areas to focus on and break them down into ways to accomplish the goals, with the intention of reviewing my performance at the end of the day. That way, I would have regular reminders of what I am trying to do and regular self-evaluation. So far, I have not kept it up more than a couple of days at a time. But I still think there is some value in the idea. Maybe on my next chart, I should make a space for following through with my goals.
In one family night last year, Dad was talking about how we can progress without getting overwhelmed by that we are supposed to do and become. His suggestion, which I had heard many times before, was to choose one or two trouble areas to focus on at a time.
A couple weeks later, during a Relief Society lesson, we were reading and listing qualities Paul said we should have as Saints. I thought ours looked something like a to-do list, and joked about going through the day, checking things off as we were kind or had minds single to the glory of Christ throughout the day- impossible, as these are supposed to be continual qualities, not events.
But then I thought that it could work in a way.
So a couple times since then, I have made checklists. I pick a couple areas to focus on and break them down into ways to accomplish the goals, with the intention of reviewing my performance at the end of the day. That way, I would have regular reminders of what I am trying to do and regular self-evaluation. So far, I have not kept it up more than a couple of days at a time. But I still think there is some value in the idea. Maybe on my next chart, I should make a space for following through with my goals.
Friday, October 3, 2008
I'm Back
So, I'm back from my unplanned and unnannounced sabbatical. Apparently someone stopped by while I was gone. Hello, someone, if you return. I will post again today, tomorrow, or both. I have a couple topics in mind, but need to give them a little more thought first.
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